How to overcome our fear

“Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain.”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

Hi friends,

I hope you are healthy and balanced in these uncertain and changing times. We are all affected by this pandemic that has spread around the world. But we must find the strength and determination to continue our lives, to follow our dreams even in this situation. If we look back in history there were times even harder than these and the world survived, it has adapted. So today I will talk about a topic that is always current, fear. Let's see together what we can do with this feeling that often leads our lives. 

Thoughts:

Fear, what is fear? I am convinced that we all know what it is and that we meet it every day in different forms and intensities. It is the feeling that makes us not go further in certain situations, it is the thing that stops us from having those difficult conversations that we keep avoiding, it is the reason why we do not make changes in our lives. But it is also the reason why we protect our body and mind, the reason that makes us do good things or follow rules. So it always depends on what perspective we look at because sometimes it helps us, and other times it confuses us. 

I remember a dialogue from a movie: "Fear is good, panic is not." So we must not panic, but maintain a balance from which we can be the best version of ourselves. Yes, I know, easy to say but hard to do. What do you prefer, to remain with fears all your lives or break the pattern and face them, fight them, and gain wisdom in the process? You can't get rid of all the fears, but you can face enough of them so that you have as few as possible. This increases self-confidence.

We suffer more often in imagination than in reality

— Seneca

Nowadays most fears are more imaginary than real. We are long gone from the times when we lived in forests or caves where our lives were endangered by all kinds of animals or other people. Unfortunately in some places on earth, these things are still happening daily. But in most places, we are now protected from these external dangers. So the greatest fear comes from our mind which has the native gift of quickly presenting us all the possible dangers that may arise in certain situations. Let's be objective, most of the worries we make in the end turn out to be unfounded and don't happen. So why spend so much time worrying about things that might go wrong, when we could focus on the things we do and do them right.

Worries arise from our desire to control what happens in our lives. We want people or things to go and happen the way we want them to. But life is not like that, it cannot be controlled but can be lived. We have to adapt so that we can go further and get where we want. As I said before it is not easy but it can be done. So many people around us have succeeded and we can listen to their advice. In general, we learn from our mistakes, but we would be much more successful and we would evolve much faster if we learned from the mistakes of others. We would avoid many difficulties and obstacles in this way. Make time and talk to people who have reached a good mental level. Ask for the help of these people when you encounter problems, you will be amazed by what perspective they look at things and what are the solutions they will tell you. Just think we are almost eight billion people on the planet, it is nearly impossible that someone has not gone through a situation similar to yours and has already found the solution.

One way to get rid of so much drama and frustration in life is to turn our attention to the things we can control. Often we automatically want to control people, situations, or events that cannot be controlled. Here we lose a lot of energy and feed ourselves fear. Instead of asking ourselves: Why is this happening to me? we can ask What can I do to get through this situation as my best self? Thus we are more oriented towards a solution than towards depression and frustration.

Easy choices, hard life. Hard choices, easy life

— Jerzy Gregorek

I heard this quote at a TED event and it amazed me because I don't think things from that perspective. But, it seems a very logical thing to do to make our lives better. How long, how many years, maybe even all our lives, we avoid difficult decisions that can totally change our lives. Some people, often hit by difficult events, make these decisions and then their lives become a success story. Why not do this too, why not have a beautiful life and so time passes with annoying speed.

We have many fears in our lives and they follow us wherever we go. This takes away from the freedom we all want to feel. Wouldn't it be wonderful not to have so many fears and this weight we carry on our shoulders to be less? I think the answer is yes. It is very important to be careful and identify what our biggest fears are. New York Times bestselling author Ruth Soukup did a study on this topic and found seven archetypes for fear: procrastinator, people pleaser, rule follower, outcast, self-doubter, excuse maker, and the pessimist. These models are great at identifying what kind of person you are, so you know where you need to work next. Don't worry, it's normal to identify in several categories. If you want to see in more detail the explanation of these archetypes you can watch the video below.

One simple trick to overcome your biggest fear | Ruth Soukup | TEDxMileHigh

How can we overcome our fears in five simple steps?

I will show you in the following sentences which are from my point of view the steps to be followed so that we can overcome our fears or at least alleviate them.

1. Take a piece of paper and write on the top, my fears.

It is better to use paper and pen to write these things because it is much more visual than to write on the phone. Later you can take a picture of it and have it with you anywhere. After the list is complete please stick it somewhere on the wall to see it often, please do not avoid it.

2. Identify your three biggest fears. They must not be general fears.

Don't do this in a hurry, take your time. Think about the situations in your life where these worries have stopped you. You can even ask for the help of a close friend. The important thing is to finally identify them.

3. For each of them, make a three-step plan on how to overcome them.

I know that it is not easy to make a plan to solve a problem that is probably old and you have had attempts on this topic. But it is in our best interest and that of your loved ones to overcome these fears. So don't give up and make a plan.

4. Set deadlines for all steps.

It seems stressful to give ourselves deadlines, but it's the only way I see fit to push us to complete something. We are human and we find reasons not to start or finish something we started and this will not solve anything. Deadlines do not have to be tight, they have to be achievable. Keep in mind that these things do not work out quickly and take time. So whatever the plan, take small steps.

5. Putting you to the test

After you have managed to complete what you set out to do for each of your fears, put yourself in situations where they appear to see if you are doing better. If you still don't feel comfortable, no problem, try again until you do. 

Don't forget to ask for help if you feel stuck. We have so many people around us who have gone through these things and learned how to solve them. There is no shame in admitting that you do not know how to do something or that you do not know how to react in a certain situation. And even if you feel ashamed, go over it and admit what you don't know to get help. In the end, you will see that it is worth it.

Conclusion and final word

 Of course, we will never get rid of some fears, but we will overcome some. It depends on us how determined we are in this little duel. The idea was not necessarily to stop feeling fear but to be better around it. And don't forget that in some ways fear is good and helps us. That being said, I wish you a wonderful day and good health.

See you soon!